Today, we’ve been mostly reading the hostel stories posts to be found on HostelManagement and various other places elsewhere around the web… And it took HostelBloggers right back to our days when we managed a hostel in Spain.
One day, a guy called Rob turned up. Blonde, cocky and incredibly narcissistic, he stood at the hostel reception admiring his reflection, and booked a double room (because he’d picked up this ‘really hot German girl’ a few days earlier).
He checked in, and then went to his room to sleep for the rest of the afternoon. A little later on, the aforementioned ‘hot German girl’ turned up. She slipped into the room they’d booked together and proceeded to have very loud sex with the windows and shutters wide open.
Now, the hostel (as with most old Spanish houses) was set around a central patio – on a square, effectively – so everyone in the other rooms and social areas could hear, and, like one voyeuristic guest, watch them at it. It went on most of the afternoon.
The next day they left, and no more was thought about it… until a couple of weeks later. One of the guests came bounding up to reception, clearly a little agitated. “There’s porn on your computer – loads of porn!” she gabbled excitedly. Anyway, it turned out that our friend Rob was something of a sexual exhibitionist: he’d downloaded all of his ‘erotic hostel adventures’ on to a computer.
And it wasn’t just a few, either, but photo after photo of his conquests in revealing positions, punctuated only by artful shots of himself in the nude. Interestingly, he hadn’t just slapped them all over one computer, but EVERY guest computer. He must’ve really wanted people to see him.
What was interesing about it, was that it seemed far removed from your average drunken dorm room slap ‘n’ tickle (high on everybody’s list of backpacking bugbears/annoying hostel types), but a narcissim on a far grander, more calculated scale.
To this day HostelBloggers wonders if he pulled a similar stunt in every hostel he went to…
Over at Nomad4ever.com, roving travel writer Steve James lays out his list of things you really shouldn’t take backpacking.
These include:
A huge backpack, jeans, a sleeping bag, hiking boots, a laptop, an SLR camera and a hypochondriac’s medicine cabinet (see below).
Before finishing up with: a Pacsafe, a mosquito net and finally, a guitar.
HostelBloggers are right behind him on a few of those items (although we’re not quite sure where his hatred of pacsafes comes from).
Whether or not we agree with his reasoning over the last choice - ”Because there is a common consensus that people who travel with guitars are w@nkers” – we couldn’t possibly say one way or the other…
Hostels are, for the most part, full of decent people going about their business in a decent, respectful and friendly manner. But like everywhere else, from time to time, you’re likely to come across the odd annoying type. (HostelBloggers’ advice: Of all the annoying hostel types below, be particularly wary of No.3 and No.4. The tedium of No.4, in particular, has been known in some rare cases to be fatal.)
1. Mr./Mrs. Selfish
It’s time to catch that early morning flight but they didn’t pack the night before. Fine if they would just pack in the corridor like everybody else, but, oh no, it’s lights on, maximum noise and door slamming included. Because they just don’t care. A major hostel faux pas.
2. The Smell
The room smells awful due to this person’s questionable personal hygiene. Pray you can switch rooms and ask at reception immediately.
3. The Dorm Room Godfather
This person is a long-term resident who thinks they have a right to dictate affairs in the room (most of which, incidentally, is taken up by their accumulated stuff.) They decide if the window is to be open or closed and one death stare is usually enough to deter anyone who disagrees.
4. The Competitive Traveler
This guy (and it always is a guy) has been everywhere and he wants you to know it. Sitting there like a backpacking Buddha, he challenges all newcomers to a game of “who’s got the most ‘authentic’ travel story”. He wins hands-down having spent a year working as a guano-gatherer in Tierra del Fuego. Frequently fills the position of No.3 (the Dorm Room Godfather). He’s also the most tedious human being on the planet.
5. The Pillow Pilferer
They need another pillow, and don’t see why they shouldn’t take yours. The problem is that the hostel’s now short and you’re just going have to improvise. Since rolled up towels never quite cut it, you’re not sleeping well tonight. (Also does a nice sideline in swiping blankets.)
6. The Volunteer
This long-term resident thinks they’re a member of staff and (rudely) orders you about whenever they can. Usually the last person the hostel would actually employ to do the job.
7. The Shameless Self-pleasurer
He’s pulled the duvet right over himself to shut out the rest of the room – if only that worked for everyone else. But that noise can only mean one thing. Who are you kidding? We all know what you’re doing under there.
8. The Midnight Busybody
Whatever the problem is, it’s getting this person up every 20 minutes, in and out of the door constantly… And it’s driving everybody else nuts.
9. The Locker Hogger
One locker is never quite enough for this person, so they take someone else’s too. Deeply inconsiderate.
10. The Night Terror Sufferer
They can’t be blamed, of course. But hearing them wake up screaming will probably give you nightmares.
(With thanks to Sebastian Lovell and the year of selfless research he put in at The Generator Hostel, London.)
